letter to my mom

Damnnn me and my mom went through it

the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly

its nothing i wouldn't do for my mom 

I wish i could tell her everything that goes on in my life, she deserves to kno about her first born son 

if i was to write a letter to her this is how it would go 

Dear mom,

                 I want to take this time out 2 let u know you are doin a great job. your first son is in college, Nate is doin great in the classroom getting on the gold honor roll 3 times in a row, Taylor is the fashion diva who seems to manage her school work, and i'm telling you that she is the next superstar, and we pray Langston can get better, but he is still the funniest guy we ever met and he lives with us.  

You took in my cousin Angel when nobody stood up to the task. What parent do you know that would already have 4 kids with all different personalities and you go on and take in our cousin to bring 5 kids in. God has blessed you mom because you have always answered the Lord wishes. You gotta be proud of that. I can say with confidence that if you wasn't in my life i would be nothing. 

You and dad use to come to my track meets when i wasn't good at all, When dad use to scream at me and tell me to get better you use to whisper in my ear "clay you will get there trust me"

You always gave me this confidence that i would be successful, you would have a hard time telling me no because you wanted me to live my life and have no regrets. Even with you  letting me live my life you still raised me to be a very respectable young man. You told me all the foundations of being a man. But mom like all kids i made mistakes that i never told you. 

When i told you i wasn't a virgin your face turned bright red almost like you was embarrassed. As if i was a monster. But instead of you getting all hyped up you came in my room and told me to protect my self and to cherish what i have and to chereish the women i share a relationship with. It probably doesn't seem like that but i know you wanted me to lose my virginity when i was in love, it hurt you that i lost it at a young age, you handled it lik the G you are and gave me the best advice. 

I want to apologize for the mistakes i made around you. When i left my house that one day and lied to you that i was going to sleep over Malcolm's house i really went to get my first tat. I know how you feel about tats but to be honest with you i don't think this is my last tat. 

Half the times i left the house i went out to drink with my friends, you always told me to not to get in the car with ppl who are drinking but i had no other way to get home. With me not listening to your instructions i got a DUI on my own homecoming dance. When we went to court and the judge looked at you and asked you if you ever taught me rules of life you were so embarrassed. But instead of you putting your head down you told the judge that i was a good kid and for her not to judge me off of one stupid decision, you told the judge that she can talk bad about me all she wants, you told her that im goin to be someone some day and  you meant it.  I looked lik the worst kid in the court room because i was cheesing hella hard. 

You told me to treat every girl like the way i wanted to be treated. I must say i heard what you said but i only processed some of your knowledge. I treated girls great when i was with them but behind close doors i would cheat mom. I introduced you to all the girls i dated to put on a frunt like they were special to me and that i was  a great boyfriend but in reality i just knew u wouldn't embarrass me. I use to lock the door when you was home and have a girl in the room. I'm surprised you never asked any questions about noise. 

Is it because you thought i was your lil good boy or is it becasue you wanted me to live my life?

I must say mom that i learned my lessson my 3 years of playing games with females are over, i'm more honest with them and i don't go behind there back. Anything they wanna know i tell them. You always told me not to play with Karma, but i swear i dated karma for 3 years. I was living the life mom when it came to females tricking them into my many games i played. When Karma slapped me in my face in the summer time you were the first person i ran to. 

There wasn't many times when you were wrong mom but i was to stuburn and caught up in my self to listen to you. You told me to stay true with my real friends, the real friends who was there when i was't doing to good. You told me that all these other people would never be there if i wasn't good at what i do. You was right but dumb old me invited fake ppl in my life and it almost tore me apart. but you being the great mom you are told me to never look weak in the public eye always smile. You helped me get through my rough time. 

Damnnn its crazy that we here now. I remember 9-11-01 we got a call that your train you went on was buried under the world trade center. Me and the kids panicked intill we got a call from you saying you missed your train. From then i know you was a warrior and good things will always come about for u. 

Remember when you and dad split up and we wasn't doing good with the money so we moved near the middle school, it was all the kids and just you. You use to sleep on the floor, you had to walk home from the train station, we didn't have food everyday. But you never let that discourage you. You taught me to fight through the hurricane. I use to walk with Nate and Taylor and get the groceries when you wouldn't come home. I was forced to learn how to cook. You taught me a lot of stuff and you probably don't even know it.

You got me wanting to be a father well not right now but i know who ever i marry im goin to be the best husband, if there are women like you there needs to be a solid husband for them so they can cherish your love . I know sometimes dad and you don't get along but he loves you trust me. I know you will go through with the divorce but just know that you will always be married with your kids you made a vow when you gave birth to me, langston, nate , and taylor. Even the kids you didn't have look at you like the great mother you are. Angel loves you (cousin) TJ loves you (half brother) even Tyra loves you (half sister). 

when you found out dad had a kid while you guys were still married must have been the toughest thing for you to face but to be honest i don't know anybody that could have handles it any better then you. You cried at night but smiled during the day. When you seen tyra you seen all of my dad but u seen none of you, but u treated her like she was your own daughter. You are truly the greatest and i wanted to take time telling you this. 

I remember when i was 7 yrs old and i told you ima buy you a house when i get older. With the econmoy looking the way how its looking i don't know if the house i buy you is going to be the one i showed you in the picture buttttttttttttttttt im holding on to my word im goin to graduate college, try to pursue the pro life in track, get a job in the communication field, and i will buy you the house i promised you 11 years ago. 

Love you mom and don't forget it, i can't wait to see you because i truly miss you. Penn relays ima show out just for you and i got you this gift since u like fashion so much. Love you mom from the bottom to the top of my heart <3

                                                                                Love Clayton your first son