The Reaction

Nobody gonna see it coming 

I feel like I'm playing with fire 

My friends warned me multiple times about this 

Even mom dukes thought i was done 

Nobody will see it coming 

It's crazy cause i didn't see it coming either 

Emotions will flare when I go through with this 

Ima piss a couple ppl off

Some ppl might not want to talk to me again 

Almost everybody will b shocked 

I been at this thing since January 

But when I go through with it ppl will believe it cam from nowhere 

Ima get a bunch of text messages that day 

Either being happy for me 

or cursing me out 

I'm excited

and nervous at the same time 

Even I think it's dumb 

fuck it though 

and fuck your opinion 

get mad get glad

curse me out 

Thank me 

subtweet me if u want 

nobody will see this coming 

But u can bet i will see the Reaction 

letter to my mom

Damnnn me and my mom went through it

the good, the bad, the pretty, the ugly

its nothing i wouldn't do for my mom 

I wish i could tell her everything that goes on in my life, she deserves to kno about her first born son 

if i was to write a letter to her this is how it would go 

Dear mom,

                 I want to take this time out 2 let u know you are doin a great job. your first son is in college, Nate is doin great in the classroom getting on the gold honor roll 3 times in a row, Taylor is the fashion diva who seems to manage her school work, and i'm telling you that she is the next superstar, and we pray Langston can get better, but he is still the funniest guy we ever met and he lives with us.  

You took in my cousin Angel when nobody stood up to the task. What parent do you know that would already have 4 kids with all different personalities and you go on and take in our cousin to bring 5 kids in. God has blessed you mom because you have always answered the Lord wishes. You gotta be proud of that. I can say with confidence that if you wasn't in my life i would be nothing. 

You and dad use to come to my track meets when i wasn't good at all, When dad use to scream at me and tell me to get better you use to whisper in my ear "clay you will get there trust me"

You always gave me this confidence that i would be successful, you would have a hard time telling me no because you wanted me to live my life and have no regrets. Even with you  letting me live my life you still raised me to be a very respectable young man. You told me all the foundations of being a man. But mom like all kids i made mistakes that i never told you. 

When i told you i wasn't a virgin your face turned bright red almost like you was embarrassed. As if i was a monster. But instead of you getting all hyped up you came in my room and told me to protect my self and to cherish what i have and to chereish the women i share a relationship with. It probably doesn't seem like that but i know you wanted me to lose my virginity when i was in love, it hurt you that i lost it at a young age, you handled it lik the G you are and gave me the best advice. 

I want to apologize for the mistakes i made around you. When i left my house that one day and lied to you that i was going to sleep over Malcolm's house i really went to get my first tat. I know how you feel about tats but to be honest with you i don't think this is my last tat. 

Half the times i left the house i went out to drink with my friends, you always told me to not to get in the car with ppl who are drinking but i had no other way to get home. With me not listening to your instructions i got a DUI on my own homecoming dance. When we went to court and the judge looked at you and asked you if you ever taught me rules of life you were so embarrassed. But instead of you putting your head down you told the judge that i was a good kid and for her not to judge me off of one stupid decision, you told the judge that she can talk bad about me all she wants, you told her that im goin to be someone some day and  you meant it.  I looked lik the worst kid in the court room because i was cheesing hella hard. 

You told me to treat every girl like the way i wanted to be treated. I must say i heard what you said but i only processed some of your knowledge. I treated girls great when i was with them but behind close doors i would cheat mom. I introduced you to all the girls i dated to put on a frunt like they were special to me and that i was  a great boyfriend but in reality i just knew u wouldn't embarrass me. I use to lock the door when you was home and have a girl in the room. I'm surprised you never asked any questions about noise. 

Is it because you thought i was your lil good boy or is it becasue you wanted me to live my life?

I must say mom that i learned my lessson my 3 years of playing games with females are over, i'm more honest with them and i don't go behind there back. Anything they wanna know i tell them. You always told me not to play with Karma, but i swear i dated karma for 3 years. I was living the life mom when it came to females tricking them into my many games i played. When Karma slapped me in my face in the summer time you were the first person i ran to. 

There wasn't many times when you were wrong mom but i was to stuburn and caught up in my self to listen to you. You told me to stay true with my real friends, the real friends who was there when i was't doing to good. You told me that all these other people would never be there if i wasn't good at what i do. You was right but dumb old me invited fake ppl in my life and it almost tore me apart. but you being the great mom you are told me to never look weak in the public eye always smile. You helped me get through my rough time. 

Damnnn its crazy that we here now. I remember 9-11-01 we got a call that your train you went on was buried under the world trade center. Me and the kids panicked intill we got a call from you saying you missed your train. From then i know you was a warrior and good things will always come about for u. 

Remember when you and dad split up and we wasn't doing good with the money so we moved near the middle school, it was all the kids and just you. You use to sleep on the floor, you had to walk home from the train station, we didn't have food everyday. But you never let that discourage you. You taught me to fight through the hurricane. I use to walk with Nate and Taylor and get the groceries when you wouldn't come home. I was forced to learn how to cook. You taught me a lot of stuff and you probably don't even know it.

You got me wanting to be a father well not right now but i know who ever i marry im goin to be the best husband, if there are women like you there needs to be a solid husband for them so they can cherish your love . I know sometimes dad and you don't get along but he loves you trust me. I know you will go through with the divorce but just know that you will always be married with your kids you made a vow when you gave birth to me, langston, nate , and taylor. Even the kids you didn't have look at you like the great mother you are. Angel loves you (cousin) TJ loves you (half brother) even Tyra loves you (half sister). 

when you found out dad had a kid while you guys were still married must have been the toughest thing for you to face but to be honest i don't know anybody that could have handles it any better then you. You cried at night but smiled during the day. When you seen tyra you seen all of my dad but u seen none of you, but u treated her like she was your own daughter. You are truly the greatest and i wanted to take time telling you this. 

I remember when i was 7 yrs old and i told you ima buy you a house when i get older. With the econmoy looking the way how its looking i don't know if the house i buy you is going to be the one i showed you in the picture buttttttttttttttttt im holding on to my word im goin to graduate college, try to pursue the pro life in track, get a job in the communication field, and i will buy you the house i promised you 11 years ago. 

Love you mom and don't forget it, i can't wait to see you because i truly miss you. Penn relays ima show out just for you and i got you this gift since u like fashion so much. Love you mom from the bottom to the top of my heart <3

                                                                                Love Clayton your first son

Am i that Perfect guy

You always hear females talk about how they want that perfect male in their life
Is there such thing of a perfect guy?
How can a guy be perfect for you when your not perfect?

I woke up one day questioning the female thought of mind and wonder if i could qualify for these measures

What makes a guy perfect?
Must I take you out on a friday night and pay for your meal and mine
Cause i do that

I can make you smile when your down
Notice when you do something new, whether its looks, or cloths
I will stick up for u but still respect ur independence
Won't answer the phone while we are having a convo

Am i that perfect guy?

Do i have striking looks for a young man?

i'm over 5'8 actually 6'0
i got money even though money isn't suppose to buy a women's heart

but we all know thats a lie

I will stare deep in your eyes
call you just to hear your voice
call you beautiful even when you looking rough
give u gifts on the random note

Am i that perfect guy?

When you mad at the world you can take it out on me
When you are having a rough day you can vent to me

Does this make me perfect

whatever your hobby is i would support it
I would go to your competitions and be there from start to finish
If its raining or if its cold I would give you my jacket
If you need a few dollars i would give you some of mine

Am i that Perfect guy

I would kiss you where u want to be kissed at
I would let you take control sexually

Does this make me the perfect guy

I would impress your friends
I would kiss you in front of your friends
hold your hand in public
I would become a great masseur.

Am i that perfect guy

I would call you in the morning and at night even though i would see you during the day
If you need space i would give it to you
I would write to you if i was far away from you

Is this what you are looking for in a guy

I would give you one of my favorite t shirts to wear or favorite chain
complement her anytime i get the chance
look at her as if she is the only one i see
I would visit you when you sick
Stay up all night with you
Tell you i love you every chance i get

Am i that perfect guy?

Even if i am the perfect guy will i get treated like the perfect guy
Answer is Noooo
no matter how good you treat a female there will always be something wrong.
If your the perfect guy she might question your aggressiveness and all that
but i would do all these perfect guy qualifications if i met MY perfect girl

My bestfriend

Everybody got a best friend or somebody you consider a best friend
You might have 1 or 2 best friends

But let me ask a question for everybody 2 think about
Can you have a best friend of the opposite sex that is attractive?

I for one had a female best friend and we did everything together
There was nothing i didn't know about her and there was nothing she didn't know about me

She liked me when i wasn't the me i am now.
She liked me when i wasn't good in sports or getting girls
She always told me whatever i do ima make it.
She was a real girl a real person a real Best friend  
Its crazy cuz we use to do the craziest shit lol
I wuld come over her house and always beg her for some sandwiches
She cnt cook but o boyyyyy she could make a hell of a good sandwich

When i was with her i felt lik i had no problems, she was my therapist
She was nasty
Her nasty ass would come in my room and fart a storm of a nasty mist that use to creep in every section of my nose
Her farts were the worst it use to make me tear up in the eye
only girl that farted and left a brown trace of gas with her lol
She would laugh about it to lik it was funny i would be lik "girl don't you kno i won't be able to sleep in my room tonight"
She would just smile and say o well clay get over it
Love dat girl
She would come to my house knowing damn well she gonna eat and act lik she don't want anything
and of course she ate
We would play fight till one of us tap out which was usually her, but once we caught are breathe again we would go back at it
I use to take showers at her house lik it was my house
I remember i just came from practice i walked in her house and just took a shower i didn't even hug her say hi nothing
I used her dove her shampoo and conditioner and even used her towel
her grandparents would look at me lik wtf is this kid doing
her friends were in the room lik is this niggas stupid
but my best friend was lik "what clayton is just taking a shower"

We both made a lot of mistakes and we both helped each other work it out but we came upon a different problem that idk if we both can work this problem out
...let me give u the break down
so me and my best friend partied a lot and she use to look banging at parties and i would notice but i neva said anything
I never wanted to really look at her like that because she was so attractive to me
I guess you can say i forgot she looked good
we went to this big party in the summer time
it was crazy alcohol in there, so im drinking she drinking everybody is drinking
now im a lil bit of a emotional wreck you see i just broke up with my ex and to get over her i messed with a lot of girls after her.
so i'm at the party drinking my emotions away and i come across her 
She was wearing this sexy purple shirt with these short white pants that almost looked see through because i could see her thong
Her hair was laid back nice an smooth all the way to her bicep
I came across her path and gave her this i'm fucked up face
She smiled
this smile was different it wasn't the same old friendly,im your best friend smile
it was the smile of a girl that wanted you
you know that seductive look and you top it off with a smile
I didn't know how to react so the nervous me asked her "i see you having a good night"
She bite her lips and said "it could be better but im having fun"
She looked me up and down
i told her "look at you checking me out"
She winked at me and said "I always have been checking you out, you just to dumb to realize it"
she leaned over and kissed my lips

With just a kiss i thought about all the things i wanted to do with her
With that one kiss i felt as though our brother in sister card has been denied
With that one kiss i opened my eyes to see how beautiful she was
but with that one kiss i didn't realize our friendship would change forever
With lust going through my mind i wanted to be with her
With lust going through my mind i hit her up the next day interested and curious to see what that kiss meant
She goes on telling me how she always liked me but never had the chance to tell me
if i didn't know any better i felt as though she was in love with me
where did all these dumb ass love feelings come from
and with my lovie dovie ass lust made me tell her i love her to
i always loved her but the love i admitted to telling her was the love of a power couple
with that one kiss it made me go from her being family to her being ONE of my girls
she was always special to me but at that moment she was just ONE of my girls
ONE of my girls who i kiss
ONE of my girls who cloths i took off
ONE of my girls that lay next to me
At that moment she was just ONE of my girls
But she isn't just ONE of my girls she is my best friend well was my best friend 
what are we now she gotta boyfriend and can't even a hold a convo with me
its lik if we not kissing and doing stuff what are we doing
Awkward moments around her i know she had trey songs can't be friends on repeat

So where do i go from here
i had a best friend and stupid of me i made her ONE of my girls
but i want my best friend back
sounded gay as fuck
but im wishing i didn't cross that line wit her we was hella happy
damn thats the story of my best friend
Fuck her, I Love her, I Hate her
why did that One night make her just One of my girls
She was my best friend 
my best friend was the one i lied to
my best friend was the one who i told can't handle my lifestyle
my best friend is the one i want back

Do you know that boy Clayton?

You think you know me?
How you know me?
who told you about me?
Naw nigga you don't know me.

Most people think they got me all figured out, they look at me and say yea i know Clayton.
Most people will tell you stuff about my life that i didn't even know about.

I'm a well known kid in franklin due to want tv, Clayton Got the sports, my girl scandal i had my junior year, and im a star athlete at my highschool that made it to the D1 lifetstyle.
From that statement right there i know what your thinking o man this kid is cocky, and he probably is a player.
If you thinking that you might wanna pay attention

I can't tell you how many people come to me and say "you live the perfect life and with the life you live how can't you be cocky" and the first thing that comes out my mouth is "trust me you have no idea what my life is like"

Let me get this off my chest real quick i'm not THAT cocky. no bullshit. People tend to think that because the way i carry myself. To be honest i don't brag about anything. ask the people around me i don't brag about anything not track, not girls, not looks, nothing.

Cocky side coming out: i know i look presentable (as in if i met your mom and dad they would be happy u dating me presentable), I know i'm good in sports, I know i get girls and have groupies. So why brag about it if you can see it.

I'm not the type to just be all in people face talking about ME ME ME. I'm the type of guy that ask how are you, whats your ambitions in life, and how i believe you gonna make. If you ask ima tell you about me but if you didn't ask why tell. I'm not in love with myself. However i didn't say i'm not the slightest bit of cocky.

 I particiapate in a sport were its necessary to be cocky or you will lose. I run track as most of you know and I'm pretty good at it. I can't go to the line respecting my opponent to the point i let him run my race. When i get to the line i pray to the lord and then talk2 myself and i say to myself "i'm betta then all these dudes and here is my time to prove it"

I think a lot by the way sometimes i over think stuff. Random but mothafucka its my blog. by the way i lik the way mothafucka rolls off my tongue. Like just say mothafucka in a sentence u might chuckle or jus feel good saying that #swagg. u weird naw im unique, who u tryna b in  life Answer clayton gravesande aint nobody can be me betta then i can and i think that will get me far.

Yea so finishing what i was saying a lot of people just remember me when i became good in sports. Most people say Clayton you really changed your 10th grade looks wise but when i look at it i realize no i didn't i look the same my whole life u just noticed because i got good in sports. I swear one day people use to walk right by me in the hallway and then the next day they on my dick saying is that the "cute dark skin kid" lik what changed the day before this one i look the exact same.

 I think that goes to show that the world only recognizes winners. There is a lot of talent in franklin nj but some people jus haven't gone big yet but they are really talented. But for some odd reason its a lot of hate so this town brings you down  till you become big. Its almost like they are saying we will stop teasing you and telling you that you suck till you get big.

Well for one hand i didn't forget when ppl use to tell me i sucked in sports and how girls use to call me lame and ugly. I still hold a chip on my shoulder everyday i walk around. I have a drive to be the best at everything i do. If your doing something you might as well do it the best you can, why else do it. But i remember jay z line when he was talkin about when ppl called him fat and ugly and they didn't wanna touch him till he came out wit the porch and started making money and he reflects on how the same ppl who talked about him don't remember the days when he didn't have it good. I feel the same way most people can't tell you the times or don't remember me 6th grade to freshman yr its all blurry, i asked my friend  "remember when me and karim cole use to chase you around at recess back in 7th grade" she responded "you went to franklin middle school?" lmao.

I mean i can't blame them at that time i was just a kid in the school nobody important. However i remember, i remember when i was one of the last kids to get picked in sports, i remember when i didn't go to parties because i was scared that people was gonna be lik "what are you doing here", i remember when i couldn't approach a girl because i thought i was ugly and had over sized lips, i remember when i use to run track and i didn't even make the 4x1 team in 8th grade, i remember when this girl in 7th grade was asked by another girl if she thinks i am cute and the girl face looked disgusted and said o noooo, its funny how that same girl still text me to this day asking when are we gonna chill.

Life is funny i swear i wonder everyday what changed beside my confidence and my athletic ability. I mean confidence is a lot but idk how confidence makes you from going from lil nigga that neva had a girlfriend in franklin for 4 years to superstar who had a bunch of groupies. I even found friends that neva even looked twice at me. i greeted them with warm arms but i always remember who my real friends were before i became big. Love those guys and girls its so happens that all of my real friends are still the friends i kick it wit when i come home and the ones who call me.

I also remember who i came from i'm a gravesande and i'm proud to be one  because i'm the only one were ever i go besides home. I feel as though i'm unique, my mom told me embrace that because there will never be another clayton gravesande. she was right there will never be another me

haha so now you know Clayton Gravesande
mothafucka you have no idea